Just as another iPhone comes out, I have a firmly held belief that some technology is here to seriously damage our wallets. I believe that all desktops, laptops, tablets and phones, anything that connec to the Internet, should have a breathalyser attached. Then, if you have had too much to drink, you can’t go online.
Not only would it stop you going online to see that an ex now has a much better life than when you were together, it would stop you sending that email or Facebook message to your boss that sometime the next morning you remember about with a sharp intake of breath through your teeth. More importantly, it would stop cases of S.U.I. ‘Shopping under the influence’.
Want a dinosaur costume for your dog, or a rug depicting the face of Saddam Hussein? Not really, not at the moment… but drunk you does. I have just seen a video about a woman who bought 500kg of chicken breasts instead of 5kg, as it was such a good price and she got the weights mixed up. What do you do with half a tonne of quickly defrosting chicken when it arrives in the morning?
This isn’t a new thing, and online shops know that. E-commerce site Lyst say that 48 percent more orders are placed at 2am on a Friday night than the same time on a Monday. Of course, you hope more people are in bed at 2am on a Monday, but alcohol has to play a part. A little play on eBay after returning from the pub never hurt anyone though, has it?
Well, the average spend in the UK on inebriated online purchases is £142, and in the US, lingerie sales alone jump over 140 percent to $308 on average late Friday and Saturday nights. I really do not have to start on the amount people lose through online gambling sites while half cut. Online professional gamblers treat you as their bread and butter. They stay sober and alert to purposely pillage you. You might as well just ask their address and mail them your wallet.
If you are the person that buys lobster pots after a night out at Appo, here are a couple of ideas for you:
Firstly, if you go out on a biggie, change your sim into a cheap Fisher Price type phone that wouldn’t look out of place in the year 2000. If you lose it, or throw it at a taxi as it drives away with your bag still in the back seat (as a friend did), at least you won’t be tempted to spend a small fortune on the new one with the earplugs that will fall out as soon as you get them in.
Secondly, prepare your wallet. Take out cash and put your credit cards somewhere at home where drunk you will not think about getting at them. Maybe in the ‘salad’ drawer of the fridge. No one wants a salad after a few scoops. Just don’t put them near your chocolate, crisps or the leftover pizza from the pre-gaming.
Remember, Jager and Amazon is just like Baileys and Cherry-aid. They just don’t mix.
Paul McLardie is a partner at Total Wealth Management. Contact him at Paul.firstname.lastname@example.org